17.6.11

the king and the prince

“Mothers give their sons permission to be a prince but the father must show him how…”
I am a prince, and my father's the king and it was his birthday yesterday.

It was tatay's 52nd birthday yesterday. Last day also was the first time I greeted him heart-fully and spoken to him the words, I love you and thank you but was not emotional. Yes, I have never been that expressive and open to him since the end of his dictatorship – last year, I received self-declared freedom and signed a mutual treaty with him that both would raise a white flag and surrender our armaments.

It was an absolute relief having revived the healthy relationship with him but I am also missing the silent and strategic battle we fought against each other. Funny but that was how we dealt with each other over the past years. He had almost always opposed my ideas and my philosophies never ceased to contrast with his. We seldom meet in the center and agree for one thing –save, maybe food preference.

Now that I am far from home, I am starting to miss our wordless and indirect conversation, testing each other to submit and surrender. This is the exciting part in playing with my tatay's game of schemes and tactics. He had been trying to make me give up, but it was a futile attempt for I am as strong and stubborn as him that I would hardly be defeated. In fact when I was in my third year in college, we have never talked to each other for almost two years even though both of us were staying in the same roof, eating in the same table, and seeing each other every day. When one needs something to other (vice versa), it has to be channeled through nanay, my mother, the mediator. When I need allowance, I run to nanay and she'll get it to father. And when my tatay needs to address or preach things on me, he would get drunk with his friends and before he gets to sleeps, he would start his lectures and sentiments while I just sleep and let every word go in and out of my ears.

Yeah, I know I am bad and so he is. But hey, never mistake that this is deep-in-the-heart war between us. Perhaps maybe this is just our way of expressing and showing how we love each other. My tatay had has all my respect though we deal with each other this way. Possibly he is just overdoing his being a bank manager at home and I am just practicing being an authoritative leader to him which is the-not-me in school. The combination in home that will never work for peace if both continue to be those characters.

If not because of him, I might not be what and where I am now. But don't be mistaken I did not surrender yet and I just lowered my guards. We just became more friends.

So he is the king, and I will take what he has given me and grow with it. I am acknowledging his importance, is a fact I must surrender to.

Now, I understand why our relationship with our fathers will inevitably be vital in shaping our characters, much more our life. Many of us may have pains and resentments in this kind of relationship and we may have wanted more than what they gave us, or longed for praises, or have the assurance that we measured up with their expectations; we might come in conflict with them and their ideals, but they do not necessarily want to dictate or impose over our lives. They just want us to be the kings of our life.

Well, I am changing this relationship not by asking him to be different but by being mature and responsible enough to take his lessons for me. This became a new doorway of me for I know that soon I'll be a father of a child/ren whom I'll be nurturing, loving, and caring.

Happy Birthday, tay.

42 comments:

dean said...

kakatouch naman tong post mo... made me think about my dad. hindi pa kami nag-uusap ng "usap" talaga. gets? anyway, happy birthday to your dad... more years to come!

Aethen said...

Kami hindi tlaga nag-uusap, "usap" tlga. hehe. pero mabait dad ko. Hindi lng tlga kami magkasundo. hehe.

Abou said...

my relationship wit my father s worse that wen i entered college, i stopped asking money from him, i would rather die than ask. natuto na kong dumiskarte para magka pera at mapa aral sarili...

ur damn lucky

jericho said...

ok ... i miss my dad ;(

dazedblu* said...

Awww.. sweet, XD Happy Bday to yer dad.

Gian Paolo said...

Happy birthday to your dad!

the donG said...

galing ah! what great words from the prince. happy birthday sa king!

toxic disco boy said...

wow. i don't even know how old my dad is. hehe.

fReD said...

hardcore. hehehe.. congratulations for having the courage to say both i love you and thank you.. i myself wasn't able to say it to my father yet..

anyhoo, let's thank our fathers and show them we love them.. if not for them, we wouldn't have come to be.. :D

Happy new year to your father..may he be blessed with more years of bliss, love, and peace. *winks*

may corrections na naman ako sa post mo, bwehehehe, e-mail ko nalang sayo..

Aethen said...

@abou - maybe you have to eat that pride. make a way to reconcile with him. It is good that you have firm relationship with your roots.

@jericho - good that this post made you missed your dad. tc

Aethen said...

@dazedblu, Gian Paolo, and donG - thank ou for greeting my father. he need not to know. he does not care. but in behalf of him, thank you. I appreciate it. :)

Aethen said...

@toxic disco boy - your father is 54 years old. Hehe. Thank you for visiting again. :D


@fReD - I spoken those words on the phone. I might not be able to tell him those words vis-a-vis.

btw, Salamat sa corrections. matututo na ako sa susunod. Salamat uli.

fReD said...

hehehe.. adik ka, okay lang yan.. we're all learning.. ganyan ang buhay.. wag lang nating ayawang matuto.. lols!

Fjordan Allego said...

wow! oo nga totoo.. nakakatouch yung post na to hahaha..

pero natawa ako dito..

"Yeah, I know I am bad and so he is."

hahaha!!

ganyan din kami ng tatay ko.. i guess ganun lang din ang tatay sa anak niyang lalaki.. or akala ko nga dato sa mga panganay lang na gaya ko..

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

Aethen said...

@wilfred - salamat ulit. yeah, i'll continue to love learning. :D

@fjordz -tatay ko ganun talaga. minsan nga sinumpa ko sya na mawala na sa mundo eh. hehe. pero binawi ko din kasi mahal namin sya. hehe. pero masaya ang makipag-away sa tatay natin lalo na pagpalaban at ayaw magpatalo ang isa. hehe. Nakakamiss nga eh.

Mabuhay ang mga tatay nating pasaway. :D

fReD said...

lols. mabuhay talaga sila.. tatay ko kaya, problema ko dati ang pag-inom.. ngayon eh huminto na kasi nagkasakit, bwehehehe, pinagbawalan ng doktor uminom, at marami pang iba.. hahahaha. adik. kaya ayun, trabaho-bahay (vice versa) nalang.. naging happy ako dun na aspect.. kakaasar lang dun sa gastusin para sa medicine, kelangan kong mag-contribute.. bawas na naman sa perang panlakwatsa.. lols. pero don't get me wrong, masaya din akong nakakatulong sa pamilya..oha?

mabuhay ang mga mababait at responsableng anak! ;))

Aethen said...

Mabuhay tayong mababait na bata! Hehe. Tatay ko din may bisyo sa pag-inum, sobrang pasaway. May highblood na nga ayaw pa paawat. Hay. Sya ang magastos kasi kapag napapainum parang buong baranggay kasali at wala ng bukas. Hay. Sana magbago na sya. Hehe. Para sa amin mapunta ang pamlibre nya sa barkada nya sa lakwatsa nya. Hehe

boying said...

sabay birthday ng dad mo sa tatay ko. hehe.

aethen said...

boying, hapi bday then to your dad. :D

Queen of Mean said...

Awww..I can so relate to this post. Well, I was able to "refresh" my relationship with my Itay. I realized that life is too short to spend it in anger and bitterness. He is still my father. Anyhoo, happy birthday to your Tatay.

God bless!

P.S. It's the 29th Manila International Book Fair at SMX Convention Center.You going?=)

Lawstude said...

bait mo naman anak. happy bday sa tatay mo. sana mabasa nya to kasi isa itong simpleng tribute sa kanya. ingat.

wanderingcommuter said...

i can totally relate sa post na ito. lalo na sa tatay mo. teka, baka parehas tayo ng tatay di kaya.... just kidding. sana makahabol. hampey bewtdey sa iyong ama!

Aethen said...

@lawstude - hindi ko nga na-isip na pwde ito gawing tribute sa kanya eh. haha. nasulat ko lng 'to kasi naalala at namiss ko lng ang aming hindi pagkakasundo. hehe. tsaka, mabait tlga akong anak. hehe.

Aethen said...

@queen of mean and wanderer - naku, naka-relate kayo? ang dami plang mga pasaway na ama katulad ng mga ama natin. hay. pero, okay lng yan, tatay naman natin sila eh. hehe. wala sila, hindi sana tayo nagawa sa mundo. haha.


@wanderer - haha. kung pareha tayo ng tatay, ikaw kuya ko ha?! haha.


Salamat sa pagbati sa hari. :D

Hecky said...

i love you kapatid... your post reminds me of being a FATHER to my daughter and a husband to my wife… what else.. he he he

Happy b-day sa Tatay mo… nice post from the heart

wipwed said...

"Many of us may have pains and resentments in this kind of relationship and we may have wanted more than what they gave us, or longed for praises, or have the assurance that we measured up with their expectations; we might come in conflict with them and their ideals, but they do not necessarily want to dictate or impose over our lives. They just want us to be the kings of our life."

i so love these lines.. hardcore!

RONeiluke, RN said...

kami din ng papa ko parang hindi kami ganun kaexpressive sa isa't isa. ganun lang tlaga kami... ayaw ko kasi ng dramahan! hahaha!

:)

Aethen said...

@hecky - manong hecky, salamat. i guess this post is not only intended for my father. Cge, enjoy the internalization. :D

Aethen said...

@wilfredo - I love that part also. :P

Aethen said...

@roneiluke, RN - kami din ng tatay ko hindi open to each other. ma-aangas kasi kami eh. ew din ang pagdrama. :D

The Mikologist said...

hehehe,
naalala ko ung Pop ko,
we're not in good terms right now,
he just found out a couple of months ago that the reason why i won't give him a grandchild is,
ang mga nakakaulayaw ko, walang matris,
=P

thanks for sharing.

Aethen said...

miko. really? You may still adopt a child. There are still other options but anyhoo, it's your choice.

btw, nakakaulayaw = na-asawa mo? :D

Thank you for droppin by.

shzainzy said...

Hey Guys!

Please do add my other blogs youre already there.

http://shzainzy.blogspot.com
http://shzainzy2.blogspot.com
http://shzainzy3.blogspot.com
http://shzainzy4.blogspot.com
http://shzainzy5.blogspot.com

ThaNKs a lot!

Aethen said...

thanks for droppin' by in my blog. :D

quincy john said...

this is crazy!
naluha ako dun ah!
hehe
you made me miss my dad mark.
though late ko ng nabasa to, this should be immortalized in our hearts and minds.
my tatay died when i was in 2nd year high and was not able to have healthy and precious moments as well.
sayang coz in the later years i longed for a dad. but it was how God wrote his and my life.
It's for the better i bet.
thanks for the post.

Aethen said...

I am happy to hear that many of you guys share father-son-daughter stories same with me.

Quincy, time let us really realized how important someone in our life. It is sad that time plays with us in making us realize those simple things. When one thing is gone, we start to notice its not being present. But this how life works, This how God design life. This is His will.

Thanks for reading my thoughts.

cielo said...

"Yeah, I know I am bad and so he is."

I love this line.....

anyway, sa isang parent if your dad can read this, i know by now he will be misty eyed no matter how tough he might be...he will fell a "kurot in his puso" :)

aethen said...

@cielo - I hope he'll not read this blog. Lols. because i feel that this post is not-so-me, am not expressive eh. but just expressing it. don't know why. ang gulo noh? :D

Cielo said...

aethen,
sometimes kids are like that...my teen daughter is also not impressive of how she feel towards me, at times I feel that I am unreciprocated, but her friendster says it all...luv nya pala ako...and her bestfriend can also attest that mg Ishi often speaks fondly of her family and how lucky she is for having me and her paps as her parents.

Aethen said...

sometimes, we, kids, are weird in expressing our feelings to parents. time must be spent well with kids to develop such intimacy and openness so that understanding is high between and among parents and children. :D

take care mommy.

vince said...

"our relationship with our fathers will inevitably be vital in shaping our characters, much more our life."

--->amen, mark! finally, had the chance to read this. was looking hardly for this post. :)

yahjme05 said...

It makes me realize that I am very blessed with my father though I knew it before. kakatouch ang post mo ..sana maging maayus pa ang relasyon mo with your dad. =)