My first year of computer science studies in NDMU was groovy. It was easy and basically awesome. The first time that I was asked to make a program of an electric corporation and a calculator using C++ and assembly PROLAN was fun and excellent. We even make a Hangaroo program, a program similar to miniclip game. My mind did not resist as I made those programs and many others. There was no problem until, my first encounter with Java. That time, everything seems went to chaos, the semester was different, the daemon in me was surprised. I never thought that CS was too challenging and difficult. And not to mention a total disaster in MidTerm with our hard-coded written Number-System program exam in CS121, where almost 2/3 of the class failed to make that program. It is worth 100 points and I think I failed to make 2-3 methods to complete the program. It’s maybe because; everything went blank in my psyche as I write that program…
The only thing I can write are the basic concepts and not as complex as Dave Saavedra can do. Dave is my buddy and my friend in CS, he knows many programming concepts and not only concepts but their applications as well. He is currently taking CISCO course for professionals. While, I’m not. Maybe next year… he is best in CS for sure not like me a mere cynical and mystical computer geek but not solely radical kind. Well, that came out a little exaggerated!
I was just ashamed to admit that I was a lame in this field, specially if we are inside the computer laboratory. But, on the other hand - it did not actually matter to me that I have a very minimal background on the nature of the course. It was not a problem, I believed. I should face this trepidation proactively and look on the brighter side.
Part of me felt like giving up and shift to business accounting, but I knew it would be a sin to quit at such as an early stage of the game. And another thing is - I don’t want to be tagged as a quitter, even I made a wrong decision of choosing this course.
But, why did I choose this course?
Better to keep it secret!
Unfortunately, my heart is closed with business accounting and not with programming. I never ever thought of becoming a programmer or a computer analyst. Sometimes, my parents or even my friends try to nag and murmur me about how wrong I was taking up the course. Even though I knew and felt by heart I was not happy in struggling to achieve what I really dreamt.
I wish life would be like a computer program. You can develop/program it successfully with the consent of your thinking/mind. You can check it by debugging and tasking and eventually run and perfectly make it valid and useful. You can correct it and decode it correctly. A program that is Self-operational.
But, that is impossible!
The only thing that made me strong is my stand of having high grades in exchange of my efforts, besides of all the persecution and difficulties of the requirements of my CS instructors.
I promised myself to pursue this so-called passion despite the challenges, despite of all my wrong decisions… Until the last breath, I used to say, I will hold on to this choice. No matter what will happen, and as long as I’m still breathing.
I believe… I will survive!